I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
