I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
