i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
