Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
