i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
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