My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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