Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
