I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Sext me about skeletons
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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