I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
