i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
