I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
