How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
