it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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