i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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