I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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