just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
