Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Damn victory sex feels great
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