the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
