ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
My ATM looks so different sober.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
