so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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