Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
from now on my penis is your penis
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
