why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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