I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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