so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
