I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
