he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
