Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
