Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
