I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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