apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
