Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
