i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
