Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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