I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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