it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
