That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
