hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
