it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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