Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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