If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
