ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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