Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
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