yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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