the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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