Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I think I won the penis lottery.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
