You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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