also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
