I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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