I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
