apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
