so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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