Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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