NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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