Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
