Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
