You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
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