saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize