i permit you to call me
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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