I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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