I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
