no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
