i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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