hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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