i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
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Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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