I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Randomize
