How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She told me I should be a condom model.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
