Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
