Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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