just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
