Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
