dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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