Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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