$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
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The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
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We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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