no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
