Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
