Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize