Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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