I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
