I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
