I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
