dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
