Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
