kristin has been a bad kristin
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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