I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
