I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I wish life had little blips of pornography
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
