It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
