Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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