idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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