I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
