i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
