Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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