my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
