First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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