Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
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It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
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All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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