I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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