I wish I only lived at night.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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