I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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