Need sex. Gaining weight.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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